THAT IS IT. I’m breaking the MyFitnessPal app out of retirement

“Alcoholic” No, I’m just a man who likes a drink. Keep your peer reviewed, neurological brain studies away from me you freak

What y’all know about endless cocktails and dancing alone in an empty house

Then as it was, then again it will be. Though the course may change sometimes rivers always reach the sea

You ever just dump a bunch of chorizo in a skillet and dip your fried tortilla in the goods

my life has ruined my life

Today was supposed to be a good day. Let’s try this again tomorrow

Damn, I can’t find my bottle opener for my Bud Light

The only thing I know is that I know that I know nothing. Ironically that makes me like Socrates or sum

Potbelly is the best chain sandwich shop

I can’t really shame women for DM fees because I kind of get it but COME ON gentleman. Stand tf up

Don’t ruin it for me but is this southern couple in white lotus season 3 cosplaying as southerners or is their accent genuinely that bad. I don’t even think or care about these things but it’s taking me out so hard

Getting my steps in while at the farmers market is peak white performance and I honestly don’t think I can be stopped

Just mogged my paralysis demom to oblivion and went back to sleep btw

Was it wrong to tell my neighbor to shut up after endlessly coughing outside? I was trying to send a voice note in my defense

I’m being so serious when I ask why are so many women always sick or diseased? No shaming, but I swear almost every one of y’all have some kind of on going health concern and I’m so confused. Do men just ignore their bodies? Societal factors? Biological? All of the above?

I should have never given Jim Bean a second chance

My cat just murdered an alien invader. Hell yeah.

Girl, I gotta go I'm finished with the show If you wanna _, me, I won't say no

Pericles Grindr has learned that going WOKE means going BROKE! Looking forward to using this patriotic and conservative app!