If Zohran wins today, that'll mean that the first former rapper to be elected mayor IN THE BIRTHPLACE OF HIP-HOP will be an Indian person, and that is very funny to me.

Doing mutual aid to raise the money the Saudi Arabian government was going to pay me to cover the Riyadh comedy festival, which I was definitely 1000% offered but forfeited due to morality reasons.

Nate Bargatze is a great comedian, but he was always going to be a strange fit as an awards show host. I wrote about his Emmys performance. vulture.com/article/nate-b…

They have done it again!!! expertly crafted list, full of people who I love to watch on shows!!!

Not included in this interview: The moment when Will Arnett stopped me mid-question to absolutely clock me with, "Hershal, are you Canadian?" vulture.com/article/will-a…

Thinking about the tribute video they'll show when LeBron plays in Toronto for the last time, and how it's going to be full of highlights every Raptors fan would rather forget.

A couple years ago, I learned how to make a humane fruit fly trap by putting a piece of banana in a glass jar, covering it in saran wrap, and poking holes in the top with toothpicks. The problem is that nothing in my life works as well as this thing catches fruit flies.

I don't think I'd ever conceived of the world going on without D'Angelo. "Spanish Joint" forever. This sucks so much.

Music straight up doesn't get better than Lauryn Hill and D'Angelo harmonizing the lyric "nothing but you" over and over.

Every creator of a TV comedy: What if the protagonist was — get this — vapid and self-obsessed? Television networks: No way! You wouldn't! Creator: It's revolutionary. Network: Here's millions of dollars.

BREAKING: Israel has killed 97 Palestinians and wounded another 230, committing 80 ceasefire violations since October 10, according to the Gaza Media Office. 🔴 LIVE updates: aje.io/dojl3h

DAAAAA MARINERS L– (This is the first Blue Jays game I've watched all season)

Intellectually, I get why people hate bandwagon sports fans. But as someone who is bandwagoning for the first time, I gotta say this is an objectively better fandom experience. "Bitch, you wasn't with me when I was shooting in the gym" "Yeah, because I was sleeping in!"

It's a shame how capitalism has narrowed how we define "productivity." It's all about "taking tangible steps to complete tasks." It's never about, "depleting all your mental energy worrying about tasks so you have none left to actually do them." Smh. Goldman Sachs.

Tried out a fun little "Who's on first" riff with my 4-year-old nephew the other day about the TV show "Is it Cake?" "What are you watching?" "Is it Cake?" "Well, is it?" "Is it what?" "Cake." "It's 'Is It Cake?'" "Well, is it?" Predictably, he hated it.

A nice young person helped me renew a permit the other day in a bureaucratic setting, and he ended every second sentence he said with the words "type thing." The interaction was very professional, and I love that part of that was him swapping out "type shit" for "type thing."

Zohran doesn't even want to be mayor at this point. He just wants to stop making content with influencers who have 8000 followers on Instagram.