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-I've got tickets for Oasis's shell out tour! -Don't you mean sell out? - No, they cost me £600! #sidesplittingsunday

When my friend from Tehran found out what type of guys The Weather Girls prefer he said 'It's Iranian men, hallelujah'! #sidesplittingsunday

My wife can't bear children which is a shame because we've got two! #lunchpun

I was forced to change my identity and get a job in a gym. I'm in the fitness protection programme #tuesdaytitters

No-one knows how good the chef at my local cafe is. He's been frying under the radar. #tuesdaytitters

I named my woollen underpants Lionel because they are Richie! #badjokethursday

I was shocked by how dirty the streets in New York were. Now I know why they call it the city that never sweeps! #badjokefriday

I think we need to worry about the state of our oceans because I just heard that Scotland has more cities than whales! #sillysaturday

When I asked the air steward why they were showing a pub brawl on the TV screens he told me it was the inn fight entertainment! #sillysaturday

I teach in a special school and have been very lucky with my choice of class readers this year. The students have really enjoyed The Wild Robot and I am Rebel but now I am under pressure to find something equally good for next year. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

My mum used to promise to take me to see Paul Weller if I behaved myself but it never happened. It was always Jam tomorrow! #sidesplittingsunday

Noel Gallagher has had to postpone his holiday to Switzerland. Snow chalet can wait! #sidesplittingsunday

I was once in a band called Sports Bra. We were mainly a support act. #mondaymirth

Most people would say playing chess with the white pieces gives you an advantage but when I asked Michael Jackson he disagreed! #mondaymirth

Why is it called a horror movie on an aeroplane and not in-fright entertainment? #lunchpun

Noel Gallagher has crashed his private plane as he was reversing it out of its shed because he didn't look back in hangar! #tuesdaytitters

-I just hit the little yellow bit in the middle of an archery target. -bull shot? -No, I swear it's true! #tuesdaytitters

Is Benjamin Sesko the best football player whose name rhymes with a supermarket?

I just got a complimentary journal with my tub of ice-cream. Guess I must have bought the diary free stuff! #badjokefriday

I have been walking round in a sleeveless t-shirt for the last few days. Hashtag living my vest life! #badjokefriday