When no one at the group dinner wants appetizers and then they say some shit like “But if you want the artichoke dip you should totally get it.” Bitch u know full well I’m not gonna get an artichoke dip platter for one. The dream is dead and u were the one who killed it.

about to watch a scary movie so I googled ‘security guard’ to feel safe

Told him to cover his ears for this part #TheWhiteLotus

maybe im in the minority but i love a birthday dinner. this is how i act after 1 cocktail with anyone's high school friend and coworker

working on a photo dump

Im letting go of all earhtly attachment exactly like buddha besides the things i like and want

did she just kinda decide she was gonna start being funny? i mean if you decide you’re gonna do sketch comedy you should like maybe take a class or something… i take sketch comedy very seriously so it offends me when like people think they can just do it

mommy? mamacita. a mom of what. a dog? like in real life? like a daughter, like a real baby? wait that’s so cute. how old is he or she

“he’s for me and i’m for him” ah, man.

how it feels to say “girl fuck you” to a man

just came back from my walk and i was right bout everything

“the author of Gone Girl and the director of Black Swan are collaborating on an original erotic thriller”…

this will forever live rent free in my head

I just accidentally closed a tab I meant to read 2 years ago