Friday night dare idea: go up to the two worst men in the bar and say 'have you guys seen Challengers?'

haven't been quite the same since I found out that Sabrina Carpenter is 4'11'

leaving the challengers screening at 5:32pm and texting ‘you up?’ to everyone in my phone book

comrade lime bike 🫡

my 36 year old bf is watching Submarine, the 2010 coming-of-age movie directed by Richard Ayoade and scored by Alex Turner for the first time and he is absolutely beside himself

30 song Taylor Swift album 🙂‍↔️
30 song Bladee album 🙂‍↕️

caused a motherquake measuring 9.9 on the cunter scale

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

lives were changed

every advert now is just like 'you'll save so much money shopping with us that you will be able to afford to heat your home AND feed your family'

welcome to planet zer0 - ‘work it’ out on all streaming platforms now

every time I open tiktok it has found a new way to call me old

how life feels when it gets to 3pm and I realise I haven't done my NYT puzzles yet

i reviewed my own book (out this week!!!!!) on my own podcast (been out for a while but i keep forgetting to tweet the links to it). enjoy open.spotify.com/episode/52i4FF…

lord I see what you have done for others

why does cutting your leg shaving feel so 90s

new book is out next week, by the way. here's the cover, here are some nice things people have said. you can pre-order it here. thanks!!!!! lnk.to/FourStars

apologies for the decline in both quality and quantity of my posts, I'm actually doing pretty well mental health wise atm