I love saying” I don’t bite “” to people because lowkey i be biting people

gwen stefani was right. it never ends

waitress who keeps asking customers if she's "in the nightmare again"

lady gaga was right. russian roulette is NOT the same without a gun. that would just be regular roulette

hello cruel world.... my prized and coveted truck blew a head gasket and got brutally vandalized in the same day :,) i’m struggling to pay rent already so if anyone can afford it here’s my gofundme. if not, please share or at least blow me a kiss thanks gofund.me/0d598f58

borat was right. my wife

Got the feeling I’m due for a minor car accident soon

As an alpha male, I rebuke rollercoasters. I will not be jostled and flown along a silly track according to another man's engineering. Flipping around some pervert's dream. And what if I squeal??

posting wife again hehe :-) i feel like an old person on facebook

(mitski voice) you know i shaved this ass for you

while you’re shaving and exfoliating your entire body and life for your tinder date tn he’s showing ur profile to the other line cooks at work and saying “she’s not really my type” and then opening up his ex’s facebook and saying “but she is”

just to keep u all in the loop