I’m going to be 57 soon and I just realized I forgot to do something amazing.

Can we please just have all celebrities please shut the fuck up til Nov 5 that would be great

The thing I hate about being a top has to be all the moving involved

How come no one is talking about the crime Ryan Murphy did replanting Milli Vanilli songs into the zeitgeist

It’s been so long since I’ve bottomed I’m surprised my butthole isn’t a Spirit Halloween Store.

I’m always in a grumpy mood for two months or so leading up to my birthday then for like ten months afterwards.

Young gay men don’t realize how unfun being gay is once everyone stops wanting to fuck you.

You reach an age where people just leave you alone and it’s really nice and also terrible.

I’m holding space for my ex and that space is right inside my butthole.

My roleplay in the bedroom is just me acting like I’m not fat.

I tip huge now for Postmates because nothing matters anymore and life isn’t even real

My charger cord is on that last gasp for life just wiggle it around til it works phase.

Remember 5 years ago when we all had Covid and thought things couldn’t ever be worse and yet here we are today even worser

I think the thing I’ll miss the most after I’m gone will be all this dope ass content

Your outie waits patiently each Sunday to watch the new episode of The White Lotus.

Up to now the only thing I could say about Yemen was whenever I see the word I always think it’s the word ‘semen’.

I’m so glad Venmo isn’t real money because I just gave 300 of whatever’s in there to a hooker

I’ve been sober so long from alcohol I forgot how awesome drugs are.

Idk if it’s obvious but recently I’ve given up.

Made the mistake one night of postmating Tylenol PM in a pinch and now they keep creepily suggesting it to me every order I make.