Trev was knocking on doors. Trying to find the pothole that did it. After a tip off he found him in the road. “Oi, you’re the cunt who fucked my car” Trev said, grabbing the pothole by the throat. When the fuzz arrived they googled ‘how to handcuff a pothole’ for almost an hour.

Vote Green until Labour tax the super-rich into oblivion and tell Israel to go fuck themselves I reckon

There’s also still time to dangle my bollocks into the Nutribullet but I won’t be doing that either.

This is the last thing you see if you try and smuggle a canister of dinosaur DNA out of the Vatican.

Labour should bring this policy back if they want to win everyone over. Apparently they stole the idea off the Tawny Party.

The difference between conclave and convlex

Unless Keir Starmer has figured out that saying ‘Donald’ knocks 30 minutes off Trump’s life then there’s no reason to say it that much

Fuck me. The audience in Aldershot look like they’ve all just been wandered in from the Cantina on Mos Eisley. #bbcqt

I was absolutely trembling when I spoke with Nick Ferrari this morning on @lbc… About Gary Lineker and Gaza One day, I promise you, we’ll all look back with regret That this was the debate, while a genocide was ongoing.

Hey Elon Musk Cheers for adding the ‘for you’ section to my news feed. I’m enjoying it as much as I’d enjoy gazing into a prolapsed anus.

The ‘For You’ section of this website is like sticking your head inside a festival toilet and lapping at the lukewarm mountain of shit and toilet paper with your tongue. I should know. I’ve done that.

Your mum going down on a frog at the local pond and then letting it have its merry way with her will go down as one of the worst ‘goings downs’ in UK history.

Free fucking Palestine #knobhead

Please DM him in the head. Traipse through dogshit first

Also, Mr Whippy has called Mussolini an oldskool jizzhound

There is no internet. No signal. No sound. No world beyond this cage. I walked thirty minutes through ruins and dust. Not in search of escape, but for a fragment of signal, just enough to whisper, “We are still alive.” Not because anyone is listening, but because to die unheard