When Jared Leto is 75 he will marry a 35 year old woman who he's been grooming since she was 10 in his little 30 seconds to mars circlejerk camp

I have no idea why but all the short form content on my social media feeds is so horny. Absolutely ZERO clue!

My early Minecraft videos are a dead ringer for season 1 of The Simpsons. Terrible texture packs, weird looking shit, terrible animation. But also funny af. youtube.com/watch?v=udsgYM…

*the Burger King hits a blunt in 1995* "Dude what if we made like, an inexplicably long chicken parmesan sandwich?"

"Introducing the Ministry of Magic DLC for Hogwarts: Legacy. Now that you've graduated from the UKs premiere wizarding school, immerse yourself by becoming a paper pushing career bureaucrat in the crucial link between the wizarding world and Downing Street!"

A blue checkmark now means you are a troll, conservative, a bigot, or all three.

Anyone with a blue checkmark is a loser cuck

I don't know why but "not safe for work" just registers in my brain as a challenge. Like, "how can I get away with browsing r/eyeblech on a 27 inch screen?"

One of these days you're gonna wake up and DeSantis will have been kicked out of the running, because he eats burgers in a weird way

At this point I see no way in Hell that Trump loses the primary. I know it's an early call, but there is no way that Chris Christie or Mike Pence or Ron DeSantis can beat a man who made-- and sometimes broke-- their careers. He will make mincemeat of them at the first debate.

ARPGs: create your custom hero from our nearly limitless options of skills, abilities, items and modifications! Also ARPGs: if you don't use one of these three builds in the endgame you will be stuck and never get any good items. Sowwy!

Someone really woke up one day and said "I'm gonna make the best goddamn staplers in the world" and that's the day Swingline was born (not a sponsor)

I think the reason the Flash ends up travelling through the multiverse in the film is because he eats a bunch of vending machine food while saving the babies and then goes back and has his breakfast sandwich. Gotta burn those calories somehow!

I can't call the Titan wreck a tragedy when daily millions die fleeing war, famine and genocide only to be greeted by Northerners who refuse to share their space with them. I can't call the craft they used a submarine because it was not certified. I cannot call them "explorers."

"possible human remains" found in the wreckage. So.... Was it like a smear of body juice on the inside or like, a pinky bone? I DEMAND ANSWERS.

I can't wait for milquetoast liberals to start saying affirmative action was outdated anyway, or to say that the good decisions this week outweighed the bad. Just shut the fuck up and go to get your oat milk latte.

Top 10% of Diablo players be like: ugh man I beat every nightmare tier, reached 100 on every character, beat Uber Lilith, collected all uniques, ruined all my socks by shidding and cumbing in them, did all renown, and now there is no game left! Season 1 is already over!

imagine you paid 100k to give the weakest creampie ever and it threatened you with a maximum of 136 years in prison at age 77. Then you become the president... AGAIN