2020 probably just needs a fat joint and some pizza to calm the fuck down.

Me high af: are you in line? Mannequin:

Jesus: [drinking red wine] hey guys look at me I'm a vampire hahah

Mary: where did you get this wine? Teen Jesus: wHeRe DiD yOu GeT tHiS- ugh *slams door*

Cop: sir, have you been drinking? Jesus: just water [looks at camera]

Me: this is my first time Murderer: want me to slow down? Me: [sigh] no it's fine, just finish Murderer: [stabs unenthusiasticly]

[first day as a detective] Partner: found some footprints Me: omg the suspect must’ve turned into a car over here

[ before sex ] Me: *puts fanny pack on* Him: what's the fanny pack for? Me: snacks

Wonder if ppl are treating hand jobs like hand shakes. Just fist and elbow bumps.

Genie: you have one more wish Me: I wish to have a pi *sneeze* [Gets Pikachu] Me: okay I was gonna say pizza but this is way cooler

McDonald's lady: what you want? Me: I'll have the 20 Pc chicken nuggets and um a line of coke McDonald's lady: excuse me Me: oh sorry “McNuggets”

Account balance: $1400 Me at Bed Bath & Beyond: bring me the beyond

When you get so high that you're eating music. Tasting music at another level :)