sal volcano

That's nothing. When I went to see Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise himself filmed a special video that played before the movie, thanking me for coming to see it.

This 77 year old server still serves 40,000 banana fosters the old fashioned way.

bro, i did not say that...

"WelcomeFest" is such a funny name, because in the context of a convention, it's named after the performative, surface-level niceties at the beginning before anything of meaning happens. And in true centrist fashion, they're content to stop there!

my enemies are conspiring against me by telepathically sending food noise to my brain in an effort to make me go to the store and buy them lil taquitos that i like dippin' in vegan sour cream.

A category at bar trivia was "Nerd Knowledge," and one of the other teams kinda gestured over to our table. Kind of rude, man. I don't gesture over to you when the category is "Teams who never even place in the top 3"...

There really are people out there who think you can run a third grade classroom like it's a college lecture.

I need to delete every account I use, just so I can start over fresh with new personalized algorithms. Obviously I want to know when father's day is, but these are the first things they assume I want lol

me, watching someone jump into rough waters without any floatation devices to try and save a person who's already drowning: omg, what is he doing?? he's throwing!!!

AirBNB for more private public restrooms. I would pay a premium fee when I'm out and about for a clean, lower traffic, single occupancy restroom where I can basically shit insanely without having to worry about, like, fellow Old Navy shoppers hearing about the ongoing situation.

This might be controversial, but by the age of 30 you should be able to: • Fall asleep on the couch at 10pm on a Friday • Not remember the last time you tried to jump as high as you can • Sort of remember some people's names when you meet them for the first time

My mom said if I don't stop having 4 Hot Dog Lunches, I'm gonna have to buy my clothes in the Niños Husky section.

Wrong way to look at this!! You have to compare it to the 3 day weekends that already exist. How many of those do you plan something? "How many people actually spend time with others during Memorial Day weekend?" lol

An instant Zizek classic.

No offense but I hope everyone loses!!!

she let me hit cuz i said please and thank you