Mary Tudor is writing the BBC Sport headlines again.

In England this summer daughter number one got friendly with a lad named Luke and they've been messaging ever since. I'm desperately hoping they end up getting married, if only because in my father-of-the-bride speech I'll be able to say, 'Luke, I am your father-in-law'...

First swim since Cornwall at the end of June. Safe to say the water is a little bit warmer...

Fuck you, from Greece! 💩

thesun.co.uk/news/30136407/… Piss. Right. Off. Nanny state crap that'll be the death of the pub industry. Thank God it'll never happen here in Greece.

The Sri Lankan national anthem sounds like the theme tune of some cartoon about anthropomorphic animals that we used to watch after school in the 1980s. #ENGvSRI

Gus Atkinson currently averages 41 with the bat and 19 with the ball in Test cricket, making him England's greatest all rounder since Alastair Cook, who averaged 45 and 7 respectively #ENGV

That's my dinner sorted for this evening. What are you having?

Daughter number one has just informed me that one of her friends has told her I remind her of Hugh Grant. You better believe I'll be dining out on that one for the rest of my life..

The best thing about being in the queue for Oasis tickets isn't the chance to see the band themselves, but being waited on hand and foot by the rest of the family for as long as it takes...

Turns out that 'Live Forever' is what you have to do to get to the end of the queue for Oasis tickets #Oasis25

ekathimerini.com/news/1247443/d… You might say the authorities got the jump on them...

Got in after a five-hour wait and placed my order. Error occured. Error occured Error occured Turning circle with 'confirming availability' for about five minutes now. Ho hum, at least it'll save me about a grand #OasisLive25

Century number 34 up for England's Joe Root. His teammates somehow manage to find ever sillier ways to get out and he scores a ton off 111 ballas without even looking like he's trying. #ENGvSL

Just spent 50 minutes trying to rescue this frightened little chap from a tree on my way home from work. Now he's eaten, had a drink and is exploring in our back yard. Let's see what tomorrow will bring...

The man who got the most votes in the Tory leadership election once ordered a cartoon mural for asylum seeking children painted over because it was 'too welcoming'. Ladies and gentlemen, the 2024 Conservative Party...

Daughter number one, 15 years old, is a huge Oasis fan. Daughter number two, 13 and hitherto a big pop aficionado, now tells me she prefers Blur. Looks like we're set for another showdown for the ages.

My grandmother's shopping from March 1954. Dug out from Lord knows where by my uncle and sent to me by my mother this afternoon...

Pulled out of a tree on Tuesday evening, adopted by a lovely family with a young daughter who was SO excited to meet him. The cat distribution system works its magic again! All the best in your new life, little fella!!

bbc.com/news/articles/… If you ban cricket you have closed yourself to all that is right, proper and decent in life. A society in deep irreversible decay.