Trump is offering U.S. citizenship for $5 million! 🇺🇸 But for just an extra $30,000, would you like to add a Canadian passport on the side? 🍁 #LimitedTimeOffer

Spotify just sent me my ‘Top Songs of 2024’ playlist. Bro, did I actually listen to these, or was it just my depression on autoplay? 🎵💀 #Relatable

One day, I’ll wake up and see that nothing has gotten more expensive… And that’s when I’ll realize I never actually woke up. 😵‍💫💰

The human body is 60% water. Mine is 90% anxiety.💀

Trump cut aid to Zelensky… and as a first step, he started by taking back his clothes. 🎭

They took me to Dagestan and forgot me. No, not to train for the UFC, they actually forgot me. Sh*t, how am I gonna get back?! :( help :(

They say money can’t buy happiness. Then I made some money, and those were the happiest days of my life.💰😎

ADA to the moon? Nah, ADA to the ADAsphere! 🚀 #Cardano #ada

Cardano was sleeping for years… now it’s awake and choosing violence! 📈

ADA holders after years of waiting: ‘Our time has finally come!

Toxic relationships are like the stock market. You think it’s over, then suddenly, it pumps again.

Some people keep their breakup messages and reread them months later. Pain is a hobby at this point.🤗

GM to everyone except my alarm clock. You had ONE job, and I still woke up late!⏰

Waking up in the morning is the first mistake I make every day!🫠

Every job description: ‘Looking for someone who can work under pressure.’ Bro, I’m already under pressure just existing.

The Oscars are tonight! Time to pretend I’ve seen all the nominated movies.🎞️📽️🎥

Winning an Oscar is great, but losing and pretending to be happy on camera? That’s real acting.🙂‍↔️

If someone gets slapped at the Oscars again, I’m officially making it my new favorite sport.👋🏻

Watch Anora. Saying anything more would be a spoiler.

World’s biggest problems: hunger, war, and people putting their bags on the bus seat next to them. 🎒🚌🌍