Does this mean I have to spend more time with my family????

Result! now I can play Total War Saga: Thrones of Britannia all week, as well as the weekend!

Of course It’s a complete coincidence that the BBC showed all the Gregg episodes of Masterchef: The Professionals in the weeks before they sent the letter listing the allegations being investigated

I call Sir Rod Stewart June 21st because he’s the shortest knight

Anyone else been insulted by a knight of the realm?

As I've been sacked, I'm looking forward to spending more time with my family, even the non-verbal autistic child who I never wanted. Instead of seeing him for an hour every second Saturday, I'll spend an hour with him every third Saturday.

I asked the barmaid for ‘head’ and she gave me this…

You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, but you've never heard of Sock on a Cock?

Any middle class women of a certain age want a follow?

I apologise for calling all the people who complained 'middle-class women of a certain age'. I'd been under a huge amount of stress, the harvester breakfast I ate was cold, I had to look after the autistic child I never wanted and my battalion was defeated in Total War Saga!

Christmas gifts sorted

My non verbal autistic son is very keen on trying an escape room so I locked him in his room, with instructions on how to escape written in cursive and a broken rotary phone. It’s a shame he can’t read though. It’s been 18 hours so far!

Best thing about the end of Christmas and New Year holidays is that we no longer need to be subjected to wall-to-wall Richie fucking Anderson and Reverend Kate bloody Botley on BBC Radio 2

What is the Commissioner from Death in Paradise doing in The Traitors this year?

RIP Jocelyn Wildenstein

My non verbal autistic child (who I never wanted!) told me that he wanted to play with me more so I bought him this

Any boat race historians?

So who do we reckon? #strictlycokedancing