My 5 year old does NOT like the fact that I know all the words to the What's New Scooby-Doo? theme

When your crush is in the military

Did I put my Christmas tree up today? Yes. Did it give me the serotonin I desired? Also yes.

I'm eating crackers and sipping wine with my brother and he said "that's a lot of sausage for one cracker" and I was like "that's what women always tell me"

Getting the podcast back up and going. Should have new episodes out soon. If you have followed it, you should! The Greatest God Damn Show on Air

Also, any musicians wanna feature a song on an episode of my podcast? It's a free play

I’m still not over Steve Irwin being killed by a sting ray.

When did Aldi become the hot girl grocery store?

Oh shit, Eargasm Comedy has a social media manager! I'm Jessica and I'm here to harass and amuse you, and let you know of our upcoming shows and shenanigans. Talk to me!

Not to get sappy but I’m so thankful for all the opportunities I’ve had in the last month and the ones that keep on coming. Also for my friends and family. And also for you, you bad bitch.

Man, this labor shortage even got sugarbabies not wantin to do their jobs. Talkin about "you wanna be sugar buddies?" Gtfo

Dessert hummus is where I draw the line

Good morning to everyone except Johnny Manziel.

At 40 still not understanding why people think it’s ok to not pay people on time for services rendered 🤔

The game is not important. Damar Hamlin’s life is important. Please be ok. Please. 🙏🏼

@GenerationDan @JaylanSalman Cole Clayton The title for Cole’s travel show: Gullible’s Travels

Lakers Daily Send me the addy of everybody that’s apart of the Rockets front office..

Yesterday I announced my exit from the Democratic Party to run as an independent candidate for President. Here is what that means: