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my gym finally got a preacher curl machine. i haven’t told my biceps yet, but when they find out it’s all over for you bitches.

the savannah bananas are on ESPN instead of an actual baseball game. our founding fathers must be rolling over in their graves right now.

how i feel everytime i hear the star spangled banner

can y’all help me find my birth parents? this is the only photo i have of them

i’m on a diet, so i’m only having 1 zyn tonight

we used to be a country

dude at chick-fil-a was taking my order on his ipad and we were talkin about how hot it was, then he pointed off in the distance and said “that’s why we got that big thing there.” i thought he was talking about his coworker. i didn’t see the giant water cooler next to her.

only in new orleans does the speed limit increase during school zone hours

don’t forget to thoroughly wash your cast iron skillet after every use

i’m on a diet so i’m only having 1 oreo

Louisianians at 6 am when it’s 79° instead of 80°

shoutout homeless dude that just yelled at me at the gas station. normally i’d take offense to being called a skinny white bitch but i’m just glad he noticed that i been counting my macros

me in the backseat after leaving waffle house

if y’all need me i’ll be at this diner

somebody in baton rouge had an interesting night

me at chipotle watching the new hire struggle to roll my burrito

decisions were made today

chick-fil-a would never

if you’re not pissing every 30 minutes you’re not drinking enough water

note to future self: if you’re gonna cover your naked body with sushi as a romantic gesture don’t use wasabi