I know I should have expected this, but I posted a clip of me onstage doing a joke about cunnilingus and now my comments and DMs are full of dudes that sound like they’re advertising online courses on how to give head

I saw Grace Jarvis at the comedy festival tonight and I won’t spoil my forthcoming review but, like… you’ve got to go. Especially if you’re a bit spectrummy like me. But also just if you like funny smart and dark humour. You’ve just got to go.

2nd last night at Melbourne International Comedy Festival began perfectly with Grace Jarvis, a fellow ASD mind

Her show 'Oh the horrors' is another ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ hit that is much more than just a tale of autism and chronic pain, but a tale about the world...

(Props to her director Laura Davis )

have I ever not looked like a furious substitute teacher onstage?

personally I understand why humans invented mythology because what the fuck, frankly

accidentally spilt a bunch of smarties down the side of my mattress, I can’t get them, it’s midnight, I know there’s a mouse in the house, this very scene is gonna be happening under my bed frame in a matter of hours and I’m powerless to stop it

also, people are constantly telling me not to walk home alone at night, but it’s FREE to walk home! and if I was murdered it’d be all “why didn’t she take the tram?” because there’s no discount for being an easy target

just found out the fine for not tapping on your myki is $288 and the lady “let me off with a warning” because I did tap on it just didn’t work, but that is a wild amount of money considering I have about $200 total and it costs $10 to tap on

I had a lengthy LCM period last year

obviously have been having periods for a while now but still every time I get one it is like full body horror, that guy from the godfather finding the horses head in his bed, clutching my abdomen like I’ve been shot

Upfront is TONIGHT and we have some exciting cast additions 📷 Grab your tickets now for a huge night of unmissable comedy, hosted by the incredible Jude Perl and band! Tix available at comedyfestival.com.au/2024/shows/upf…

It’s just a joke dude. And the joke is just rooted in ideas. That I’m just reinforcing 😈

the most attractive feature a man can have is a fucking backbone

No one seems to acknowledge that the way to get Gen Z to music festivals is to take away their choice in the matter. You’ve been conscripted, kid, get in the fuckin mud and listen to a band whose last album dropped four years before you were born.

a cross stitch pattern designer made a cross stitch pattern of this tweet and now you can buy both that cross stitch pattern and a tee shirt with the tweet on it comedymerch.com.au

a girl in the bathroom after my show told me that she bought tickets for her and her mum, because she mixed me up with gillian cosgriff but it was “still good!”