Oi... It's time to stop whispering about suicide. We are losing to many husbands, Dads, Brothers and Fathers and Son's to silence. Let's shout about saving lives today, on Samaritans Awareness Day. Let’s prevent suicide today. Because tomorrow’s too late.

Decent cup draw that

Friday

Today is gonna be the day that Oasis say ‘Hello Wembley’ for the first of 7 sold-out concerts at Wembley Stadium in London. #OasisLive25

My GF said my hair is like the UK economy, both are stuck in a recession. #LunchPun

The sperm bank keep cancelling and rescheduling my appointments. I don't where I'm coming or going #LunchPun

Mattel are not launching a Mammy Barbie and a Daddy Ken, despite rumours Ken comes in another box. #lunchpun

I haven't spoken to my Brother in 20 years since he moved to Austraila. We got some real coral Beef #LunchPun

What Mundane task should be an Olympic Sport? Ikea Furniture, points for speed and accuracy, deducted points for arguments and divorce.

Hope Spanish wives don’t beat up their husbands tonight

It's quieter than Anne Frank at work today.

Nobody will remember: - Your salary Your fancy job title How ‘busy’ you were How stressed you were How many hours you worked People will remember: When you shit yourself.

Well today has been more challenging than Stephen Hawking winning Strictly.

Been jet washing sine 5am. Gotta love kids.

Pretend you’re Les Dennis by putting your arm around a stranger at Lime Street station and looking up at the departures board.

I was on a date last night, I was told to say an Icebreaker. I talked about the titanic. #lunchpun

My partner makes fun of my penis size. She has nicknamed me Justin. #lunchpun

My GF said compared me to an Atom. We are both are such liars, we make up everything #lunchpun

Mood….

Primark in Manchester is hell. I’m hiding in the Lilo and Stich cafe. Gone full Anne Frank.