No flying cars please.

I'm bored of your Eleven costume. I'm especially bored of your Sexy Eleven costume.

I try to use "amazeboobs" whenever I can because it's, like, feminist.

What this polling place needs is a better selfie spot. #selfieforamerica

A man who has never even driven a car before is about to drive this bus. #usa

You know who likes stuffing? People whose parents are still married. #thanksgivingtheory #explainstuffing

Forgot to take our picture in front of the Turkeys Are Here sign at Trader Joe's.

Remember when twitter was fun?

New year new toothbrush.

It's like that pig ep of BlackMirror. Like Oh, haha, that won't happen...and then a building sense of dread/panic/revulsion as it happens.

Lots of "Hindsight is Twenty Twenty" campaign slogans being prepared, I'm guessing. #2020

"That's enough pie for you, Mama."

Super hated The OA. My joke about a show that's "The OA meets The OC, we'll call it The AC," is ruined by how much I hated The OA.

#inothernews some really nice stamps at the post office right now. #love #wonderwoman #WPA #yearoftherooster

Meanwhile, Trent has become a girl name.

Phoenix. Also a girl's name now.

Can we sign that petition too, 'cause I also don't think he should get to meet the queen.

Change your Brita filter; change your life.

It never occurred to me to wonder what her job was, until she dyed her hair blue.

If there's a spider and you know it clap your hands (clap clap).