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me the week before my period

thinking about what my little sims are doing #loveIslandusa

can we stop putting lavender syrup in everything? i’m not trying to die.

i don’t care who the president is as long as they put restrictions on the amount of people who can start a podcast.

I need one of those Panera lemonades that kill you

Gaslighting and manipulation are actually really valuable tools to learn in life but you have to wield those things responsibly. Like against your employer and not people who love you

every time i see a plastic bag floating in the wind i think of katy perry. if she has no other impact, she has that

im never tipping a male waiter, go pour some concrete hoe ass mf

“you’re so funny” thanks i would have been lobotomized in the 1940s

if you’ve ever dated a man just go ahead and put project manager on your resume

I'll deck my halls with whatever the fuck i want

a man will vent about his feelings on twitter when his sport team sucks but refuses to go to therapy…. doesn’t sit right with me.

Anyone have Phil’s address? I’m about to drive to Punxsutawney and square up on this rodent.

menstrual

accidentally rolled over and elbowed mitchell in the face last night… disrupted his sleep #womeninmaledominatedfields

*At a party* Me: Anyone want an antacid?

indiana is so funny

living with a guy is weird because i just put away pasta in the cabinet and had to remove it because i knew mitchell would spill it looking for a snack later and pasta would be everywhere