The Noah's Ark that will save all residents of Nairobi from the Seven Plagues is almost ready for deployment. Hii Kenya watu wako sawa ni wachache sana.

Baba amenguruma leo mpaka hata mvua imeogopa kunyesha jioni tena. Parabola.

Plot for sale. Call that number. No Agents, Please.

Ruto is eating and going, Wandayi is kicking and going.

Nairobi City Senator Edwin Sifuna decided he was going to be a truthful mehn and announce the second coming of Cyclone Zakayo. The fear is gone everywhere.

Baba amesema Nakhumicha, Machogu na Moses Kuria wote ni takataka. Bwana someone tell the driver anishukishe kwa hio stage ya City Mortuary I want to see something.

Bwana that Raila Odinga speech today could boil my grandmother's yams.

Prime Raila Odinga > Prime Andrea Pirlo.

Over there in Homa Bay, Dr. Mukhisa Kituyi made good his promise to beat it till it sleeps when he gets home today. Someone tell the driver to alight me at that electricity pole. That is my stage.

Beki wa kupanda na kushuka is back. Ring the bell.

Over there at Kwa Reuben Secondary School, in Embakasi South Constituency, Nairobi City County, the speakers have decided they will no longer massage the donkey down the slope anymore. The fear is gone, and the floods are gathering.

BREAKING NEWS: President William Ruto orders the Ministry of Education to postpone the reopening date for the Second Term until further notice.

Tũgokĩra tene, Tũgokĩra tene, Tũgokĩra tene 🎶🎵

THE STAR today hapo pg. 7 are saying that yesterday, when Rift Valley UDA MPs were told to run to the chambers to help their Mt Kenya counterparts support Mithika Linturi on the floor of the House, the Rift Valley MPs said they were still busy reading the Bible and seeking divine…

Things are boiling nicely, just like the doctor ordered, and we will be there no matter what.

Just last week, this guy said he cannot be intimidated, and nothing will happen to him.

'Proximity to power deludes some into thinking they wield it. I put a stop to that nonsense before it begins.' - Frank Underwood, in House of Cards

The fake fertilizer racket is bigger than the Goldenberg Scandal. You were warned by Leader of Minority Hon. Opiyo Wandayi, EGH that it's about to go down.

He's your favourite State House egghead rubbishing the claims of fake fertilizers in the market.

TV 47 NEWS reporting that Agriculture CS Mithika Linturi has just been arrested over the fake fertilizer scandal. Someone wake up Kawira Mwangaza and ask her where we should deliver the wheelbarrow of popcorn.

Bwana someone find this guy and give him my Malaria vaccine.