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Ken Chen Smoothviibes We’re all beta’s then

Whoever controls which cartoon plays under the subway surfers controls the hearts of men

My perfect day: open up first Minecraft world I ever made. Cold lemonade. Just like boyhood. Single tear. Queue up episode of king of the hill where Bobby eats a big steak. Silently activate my shotgun helmet and think about what it was like to be loved as my brain liquefies.

Last night was a movie bro 📸🔥

My buddy texted me and asked if I wanted to come over to review some documents with him knowing damn well my wife doesn’t want me reviewing documents with him anymore.

TSA agent pretended to “dispose of” my cursed amulet but I’m pretty sure she listed it on Facebook marketplace.

They said I’ll never Joe up little do they know I’m just Biden my time 🔥

Last night was a subtle callback to an earlier work bro.

In college I cited my original memes as evidence of “auteur theory” and my professor called me a reductionist hack in front of the entire class.

TFW you’re 5 min into recording your podcast and your dog gives birth on the carpet 🤦‍♂️

Smoking cigarettes + pumping gas = awesome 😲

I am done with antisemitism

Me: Don’t look now but I think that chick over there is checking you out My homeboy who is a lizard: *does the thing where they lick their eyes to moisten them* Me: damn I see you bro 👀

Lady: I don’t really get the joke Me: I guess it’s more of a Daimyo Twitter inside joke Her: can you take me home please

Being a daimyo is so awesome. I’m probably even more righteous than the great Emperor.

TFW your castle is besieged by a rival clan #justdaimyothings

Dudes from 蝦夷 be like “the emperor’s divine influence doesn’t extend to our non-Yamato island” My brother the emperor’s divine right extends to all eight corners of the world 🤦‍♂️ 尊王攘夷

Be honest with me— can a daimyo find true love beyond the fleeting carnal comforts of his concubines?

Lowest rung on the ladder of society are people who comment “is this satire” on short form comedy videos. Highly likely that they don’t possess human souls.

Like a decade or two ago Subway was positioned as the “fresh and healthy” option in fast food and today they’re selling shit like “doritos footlong nacho plate”