I've changed my account name for a couple of weeks while the world cup is on (in case you're surprised by the new pic and name in your timeline)

I feel Messi's pain. I once tried to smash home a penalty against Iceland but unfortunately it was saved by the automatic doors.

Messi: "Hey Luis, would you recommend a move to Chelsea?" Suarez: "Oh yeah, the food there is great"

Imagine being a United fan after this transfer window. Rooney passes to Bale, Bale to Messi, he shoots... and then your alarm clock goes off

For years Luke Shaw dreamed about Southampton winning at Old Trafford and today he finally got to see it happen.

What's the difference between Chelsea and the M62? The M62 goes past Bradford.

What a weekend of cup upsets. I haven't seen the smaller team beat the bigger team that many times since the Man Utd 13/14 season review DVD

Watching Man City trying to progress in Europe is like watching a shark try to ride a bicycle.

Topical comedy podcast containing a sketch I wrote (about Jeremy Clarkson rather than football) if you're interested: bbc.co.uk/podcasts/serie…

It's good to see Man City trying to give away their champions league place to someone who'll make better use of it.

Di Maria moves to PSG. "I'm glad we won't have to face him again, he was a massive problem for us", said a Yeovil Town fan.

In the last week West Ham have played Astra Giurgiu and Arsenal. They managed to beat the no-hopers, but unfortunately lost to Astra Giurgiu

Don't talk to Arsenal fans about the 2011 United result. They 8-2 be reminded about it.

The biggest rivalries in football: Messi vs Ronaldo Liverpool vs Man United Ashley Young vs gravity

I hear Man United are so confident of signing Mourinho that they're already searching for his replacement for two and a half seasons' time.

After being appointed United manager Mourinho now has to decide if he'll buy a house in Manchester or commute from London like the fans.

Lionel Messi earns about £500,000 a week, which after tax is about £500,000 a week.

After a 3-2 win at Wembley the Man United fans head out of the stadium happy for their long thirty minute tube journey home.

Congratulations to Chelsea for winning the FA Cup this season. And congratulations to Man Utd for winning sweet FA cups this season.

Moving from PSG to Arsenal is the sign of a man who's decided to try a higher difficulty setting.