I asked this girl if she wants to go out for some beers & yap into the night with me, she responded with “sounds fun! 🙂” I’m so cooked, chat

Oh to be the Diet Coke on Trump’s desk during all of this.

If you do not help sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to the random stranger in the restaurant, you deserve to be 6 feet under.

There is too much music on Instagram.

Rented a movie online for $5, only watched a 1/4 of it, got busy with work for a few days, then tonight I decided to finish it. I come to find out I only had 48 hours to finish it & now I would pay another $5 to watch it again. Physical Media prevails again.

Enforcing a 15mph speed limit on e bikes in NYC bc they’re ‘too fast’ is so funny bc that only implies the painstakingly obvious about….CARS.

If NYC drivers want cyclists to stop at red lights, then the drivers must stop at YELLOW lights. Read that again.

Once Zohran gets elected, he’s about to experience 9/11 levels of racism.

I have to teach my new Russian roommate to stop giving me intimate greetings everytime he sees me in the house. He keeps dapping me up, hugging me & asking me about my day everytime we see eachother in the hallway or kitchen.

fat niggas like myself aren’t built for this heat. It’s not even HOT hot yet & my titties were SOAKED today.

My mother died & I forgot to get her banana pudding recipe. I’m so broken right now, chat.

Just stole my roommates ramen noodles

Hey, EXTRA GUM - I opened a brand new pack of gum & a whole 5 pieces are missing? This isn’t very Extra of you :(

Wait, the Chicago River isn’t naturally green??? I thought it was the only naturally green river in the United States ???

I love you Chicago :)

More of Chicago.

I can’t explain it but…these 2 have the same energy & drive for New York City.

Views from the train.

The Golden Gate Bridge fucking sucks. First time in San Francisco & I hate it already