Hey baby, do you wanna go back to my place and listen to me play “tossed salad and scrambled eggs” on my Yamaha keyboard

You’re never going to convince me that fucking your secretary isn’t awesome

Phantom Menace revisionism is probably the most poignant example of declining media literacy in recent years

Smoke meats not weeds

Ima be honest, if a Haitian cooked me up some cat stew, I’d be munching

Goonies is, was, and always has been a shitty movie

Last night we let the 19th century Maryland cough syrup talk

reject modernity embrace SLACK

It’s honestly disgusting that I graduated high school without ever being taught how to use a semicolon

Excellent adventure son or bogus journey daughter

Shoving the space needle up my urethra, call that Puget sounding

John Candy fucked

Not labeling Nixon as gay is delusional. The biggest queen to set foot in the White House.

british nihilist: life means fuck all. the blokes who invented it were having a laugh

Sometimes you’ll be talking to a woman and she’ll just nonchalantly drop the fact that she believes in past lives or ghosts or some shit

Yeah I cosplay

I’ve never wanted to fuck a 50 year old woman more in my life

I pulled it out and she looked at me like

(Smelling the ball stench on my fingers) mm, I’m getting notes of passion fruit *smacks lips*

Head while listening to Tears For Fears’ 1985 hit “Head Over Heels”>>>>>>>