I meet with Al Franken and forgive Joe Lieberman. I'm like the Don Corleone of the Senate. Except skinner. And Mormon, of course.

When I'm in the Capital building shower, I always wear my swim trunks. Everyone knows Rahm likes to bust in and start yelling.

Wait, they actually passed it? WHAT? /glassesflyoff

Of course I'm not opposed to sex. Amirite, Fake Cindy McCain? /winks

Let Al Franken in the Senate already Minnesota! I love Stuart Smalley!

I would totally do Brad Pitt. Srsly...seriously.

This omnibus is about to run your ass over, GOP.$

100 days of being the glue that holds Barack Obama together...exhausting but fulfilling. #Obama

There's just no time quite like Supreme Court Justice-pickin' time. I'm quite excited. Word of the day: quite.

Why don't I get briefed about potential torture methods and subsequently flub my backtrack? I hate my job...

goto bit.ly/9Cua3N?73gK for your chance to win a free IPAD with a $100 iTunes gift card

We gotta get this healthcare thing passed pronto; I think I feel a cold coming on.

John Boehner said he has never met anyone in favor of the Public Option. Here's a secret; he's never left the Capitol grounds. From birth...

My Halloween costume? Joe Lieberman. That dude is really scaring me right now.

Health care, y'all. Send your thank you'd to the Capital, c/o Harry MF'ing Reid. Merry Christmas to me.

2010's gonna be big for the Reidster. You're not gettin' rid of me that easy.

What I say?

Can't wait for the State of the Union tonight. I get to wear my fancy glasses! #sotu

Robert Byrd, I will destroy you.

We're running this beyotch now.