🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

9:44 a.m.: Willpower RIP

I see you. You're intriguing.

On Valentine’s Day be romantic, guys. Add hearts and flowers to your anonymous dick pics.

Fuck nudes show me your witty brain

(She says) I’m weirdly attracted to: Nice forearms. Well-groomed feet in flip flops. Stubble. Good cologne. A sense of adventure. I knew my foot grooming would come in handy some day. #OnlineDating

Valentine's Day can go and fuck a goat.

👀

Ways to get slammed: - with work - by a snowstorm - too much alcohol - during sex

She’s a keeper if she sends you fish pics. 😎🎣

I found a way to fit a dirty glass into the crowded left side of my sink rather than put ALL dirty dishes into the dishwasher. #ImmaGuy101

Who empties the trash at your house? Or do you just keep pushing it down until one of you dies?

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything tweeted on this channel from 6 p.m. CDT Friday until 11 p.m. CDT Saturday. Unless it's funny, then I'm responsible for that shit.

When people care after it’s too late. That.

Unpopular opinion: Cat lawyer tweets suck donkey dong.

Sometimes I leave the house wondering if I’ll return.

Sometimes I talk too much.

Everytime a "good box" is thrown out, a dad misplaces his cargo shorts.

I’m thinking you might be a bullet I need to dodge. Prove me wrong.