De Gea had too much butter on his half time sandwich...

I think that’s it now for Lambert - he’s had half a season and in not one game have I managed to work out what the team have been working on in training beforehand #ITFC

RVIP (Relaxez Vous In Peace) Neil Innes

Who are you and what have you done with #ITFC?

1. Quark Strangeness and Charm - Hawkwind 2. Black Sea - XTC 3. The Black Album - The Damned 4. Small Price of a Bicycle - Icicle Works 5. Trouble over Bridgewater - Half Man Half Biscuit 6. Autobahn - Kraftwerk 7. The Yes Album - Yes #7albumstoknowme

I knew I should have brought my EarPods today #ITFC #NoMicTechnique

Glad to see Proper Democrat blocking me because they know about The Dog! Lol!

#RedDwarfThePromisedLand - great so far but the studio audience is very distracting...

#RedDwarf - funniest joke - no studio laughter?

It is my most profound belief that within the average domestic compost heap, one would find at least three potato peelers, two paring knives and one apple corer....

#itvnews - it wasn’t a “school” shooting....

French Open right now....

#BHAMUN - that was missing by miles...

President Trump will “die” in hospital, be taken to the incredibly tasteful Trump Mausoleum and three days later, the vault will be opened, and Trump will appear smiling and waving...

Breaking Transfer News: Club Sporting Dodecahedron sign Diego Fahrenparcoursmann from FC Schroedinger on a 3 year deal for £17billion...

RIP Jimmy - who was ready for “when the balloon goes up”

Have to say, the ref had a good game today....

Twitter in a nutshell..

- mutes sound for adverts - sees football starting - about to press Unmute - sees “Commentator: Sam Matterface” banner - mutes sound again

Nothing says ‘Suffolk’ more than people asking where Bracknell is! #itfc