half a pound of ground beef and a sweet potato for dinner like im somebody’s cane corso

bro i was gonna find you in every lifetime and you don’t even care

oh fuck I spaced out for 5 years and forgot to find purpose and meaning

now go out there and show them how normal you are

Ohhh ok, well i hope you die

I’m having thoughts

just went to someone else’s circus and my fucking monkeys were there

Don't touch that, it's a load-bearing delusion.

anybody wanna date so we can do cute fall things together like smoke cigs outside a disgusting dive bar

ahh shit i can't man i'm going missing that day

Fortune teller: (flipping tarot card) Ooh. The fat bastard. Don't see that one often Me: is that good

good morning bro just kidding (it’s night time in this joke)

Dap me up you weird little fucking freak

Do u wanna come over 1 billion times

open toad shoes

bro just one more monkey on the bed i swear. nobody’s gonna bonk their head this time. just one more monkey bro please

if youve ever had fun without me fuck you

her spotify listening age was 19 you sick fuck

they’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. santa’s been delivering gifts in japan for hours by now; that list is locked, do whatever you want.