Feel like if they could, blue jays would be big into crypto.

Anybody else have, like, nemesis-level hatred for any of the objects they own? For me, it is our bread knife. Useless. Pain in my ass. Zero stars.

Online discussion of loan forgiveness really throws the Inherited-Wealth-to-Bootstraps pipeline into sharp focus.

A Jethro Tull track was blaring as I entered this Trader Joe's. In spite of this, I continued shopping.

Enjoy your dirt nap in that blast crater, Mr. Governor

Language peeves: "Penned" when "wrote" will do just fine. "Helmed" when you mean "directed." I get it, Media Person, you wanna avoid repeating, you want to "keep things fresh." But these choices? These are not fresh. They are not novel. They are twee and precious and hateful.

The Queen is dead. Long live the Abolish the Monarchy.

Been in KC a year now. In that time I have never - and I mean literally never ever - not seen multiple people wearing KC gear. Not just sports teams, though there's a lot of that. Just name of city. Like a municipal scale of wearing the band t-shirt to the live show.

Here's a fun thing. Taking break from fucksuckular moving to wolf down something sugary. Immediately harassed by hornet. Stood to evade, he banked wide to have another pass at me. Flew right into a spider web. Where he is bound tightly in silk right now.

Still my favourite gravesite decoration.

Here I made this for you: Jeni’s Flavors Elsewhere in the Multiverse link.medium.com/eFXWy6540tb

Just had this gorgeous daydream where of a world where companies became almost as good at doing the shit they claim they're meant to as they are at carpet-bombing you user satisfaction surveys. Everything worked beautifully. Not like here.

Torn between deleting account to help devalue Elon Musk 's petulant investment, or helping to devalue the platform by remaining on here. #slacktivism

For the runoff, the Walker (R - GA) campaign has announced plans to give like 8,000 concussions to the 1.9M voters who didn't cast ballots in the candidate's favor. A spokesman for the campaign explained that this was the only earthly way to get sentient people onboard.

Hey. Elon Musk I'm fine with Trump being back on here. But only if he's gotta use a handle like @TreasonousDirtbag or @WillDieInJail or, and I think this would kill him the most: @NotEvenThatRich

Action Movie Catchphrases of Mine That Are Fully Awesome link.medium.com/oWHUMPbgwvb

I just published Expressions That Never Really Took Off link.medium.com/E9qMsDhiJyb

My simple 2 step program: 1) Reach adulthood in a world that bludgeons the sense of wonder and delight out of you in every conceivable way. 2) Get bitched out every day for not being cheerful enough. Till you die.