counterintuitively, the act of spinning around is how thoughts stay stable spinning thoughts feel like motion, but they are stagnation incarnate words written in stone are literally more mobile than a spinning thought-loop

i am thinking back to the period from nov 2024 - feb 2025, when i was absolutely present, posting thru anything, alchemizing hard feelings with love one interesting difference between that period and now, is that i wasn't comparing it to some past period where things felt better

yes, i am coward man! i have been granted superhuman powers of cowardice, which i can use to make myself disappear before your very eyes

i've actually been being eaten alive by ghosts of the past i can't pretend i haven't been it hurts, a lot

being tired of healing, fed up with being this person, in this position, who is still so weak, wanting to just skip ahead and be healed already, knowing that version of me wouldn't need this work, really screws up the whole process. it takes me away from here, where i am needed

i am *in* the identity i had before i ever allowed myself to be seen to this identity, the apparent fact that i have 2,464 public posts on this account, of real courageous heartfelt expression, does not matter. i choose not to see them it's like i was not the one who wrote them

starting over, again! just like any other day just like any other moment

non-magic is easily explainable in terms of magic

the book A Return To Love found me in an unlikely way last night i am a little scared to share that it helped me, bc it's not like i know anything now, i just needed to hear someone express the exact ways the world is upside-down, and tell me, open-heartedly, that love is real

another day another chance to actually love instead of whatever the Hell else i was doing

have any moral dilemmists solved the problem where, to live as a kind & loving human u need to touch grass, but touching grass involves bringing inconvenience / death to more than a few insects every time which doesn't seem v kind/loving

ok i admit that falling over in despair, woeing at having to 'start over again' all the time is a litttttttle disrespectful to the good work my past self has done thank you past self. you have done good work

i fantasize about finding the perfect words, writing them down, and never having to think again just being able to live by the perfect words i've found, forever thereafter but we have a word for what that is. it's dogma

bumping brown noise 8 hours on the subwoofer goes so hard when its sleepytime

i did not create my emotional system i don't control what emotions it brings up for me if i did, that would be bad i'd choose the wrong ones all the time and i'd have no way to tell what is going on with myself, and i'd probably die, or worse, very quickly

omg. i was not prepared for some of my students to get me CARDS and GIFTS at the end of the year thanking me for being a great teacher i have been quite down on myself, thinking i've been failing pretty hard at this job this year... 😭

one of my favourite hobbies is sitting in the sun and sneezing a lot