Fucking love this clown!

Two words for you: Liquid Zoo #liquidzoo

Hubby’s off to Mozambique tonight. Life insurance HERE I COME!!!

As a rule of thumb, if I find myself dancing in the kitchen after 7pm, it’s probably time to update my Will.

I tried being inconspicuous once but nobody noticed.

Part of me genuinely wants to stop this dumbass behaviour but the other part is having such a lovely time. And I do need something fun to focus on right now #trumpdump

I should stop, right?!

Bloody hell. This hat full of arseholes makes this too easy.

I made my own best friends in my goddamn belly. And those friends yelled out the car window, “Don’t forget to wash your vulva”. And I cried at that miracle with pure happiness #heartpump

Mum thought #Intersex meant “Into Sex” and it was so fabulous, I didn’t correct her. And never will. #LGBTQ #babyboomers

ME: Lolly... I asked you to go to bed... NOW PLEASE!! LOLLY (aged 5): UGH... I SWEAR I’M NOT STONED!!! #wtf #mumlife

Dear Clive Palmer Bless your sweaty socks. A head’s up, Pickle... You’re the only one in this whole county who doesn’t realise how hilarious it is when you share your thoughts. WA is just fine without your help. Solve your own issues first #auspol #IStandWithMarkMcGowan

I went to a fancy restaurant & unwittingly ordered a non-alcoholic gin cocktail with a shot of gin. It was, at that very moment, I realised I would not ever get laid by my waiter that night or ever #mistakesimake

Tonight I opened a bottle of wine that had “Special Small Batch Edition 61/309” written in gold on the label & im pretty sure my puke will taste exactly the same as it did when I drank that bottle of Bin66 with the picture of a roast chicken on the label when I was 16 #winelover

When #DonaldTrump isn’t president anymore & they make him go to jail for being a baddy, let’s build a wall so he can’t ever escape #5yopolitics #POTUS #TrumpIsPathetic #TrumpIsALaughingStock #reunitefamilies #BidenTransition #auspol #kidsvstrump

My gorgeous 9yo’s cover version of Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. At Rosemount Hotel #perth last Sunday. Olivia Rodrigo #singers #Olivia Rodrigo

Traitor cover by Olivia Rodrigo Not bad for a 9yo x

Anyone else think it’s totally bizarre that Peterson’s defence forensic experts argued that Kathleen’s skull lacerations were similar to what you’d expect to see on a watermelon if you threw it down stairs? Skulls & watermelons… same same. Forensics 101 #thestaircase