Hi, I am Bill Goodwill!

My fashion sense is inspired by Opie Taylor and truck stop employees 💅

Just accidentally walked into a handicap bathroom stall and sat down on a wheelchaired person’s lap. Not really, but could you imagine?

Today I had one of the prep line cooks at work tell me, “You’re one of the reasons I enjoy coming into this job everyday.” Then he went to the bathroom to throw up from meth. And I think that’s what’s beautiful about the restaurant industry.

It’s crazy that I basically used to look like this. I don’t mean that this is a baby photo of me, but you get the idea. Basically.

Do food trucks do deliveries? Should.

Imagine a snake moving around without wiggling their body. They’d be all like: /—/\—/\

Just watched Top Gun! Holy Crap! I think I’m gonna start getting into plane flying. Anyone know where I can start classes?

Note to self. Don’t ask AMC employee for doggy bags for your popcorn.

Dude! The minions are OP af!!#MinionsTheRiseOfGru

There are two things in this life that will never fail to invigorate me: 1: The first sip of coffee in the morning. & 2: That first crack of the fingernail during a fingernail clipping.

Dude, Sriracha went viral AF back in the day. Lol.

Hold my beer.

Just walked into In-N-Out while holding a tripod. This is the most LA thing I’ve ever done.

If In-N-Out had delivery, I would be dead in 3 months.

I refuse ever using “close friends” on my Instagram stories. I like it raw.

I’m constantly bangin’ my shins on shit.

Finally! Today is the first day this year that I don’t have to tell people happy New Years anymore! 🙌

Just had a bird shit on me while trying to jimmy my car door. I swear if I get in to heaven, I’m kicking God’s ass.

Equalizer 3: Olive Garden