Been watching “The Office” since I am part of Peacock now. I don’t know if this is a hot take or not, but these people seem terrible at their jobs!

A shocking amount of you keep asking “does Ted poop?” Can nobody find joy in the great mysteries of the universe anymore? Is there not beauty in the unknown?

To answer your questions: Yes I have been in the washing machine before. Yes it is as fun as it looks. Please stop DMing me about it.

Someone on Instagram just said I have a "gyatt." Have no idea if I should be offended or not.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Caution: If you give your girlfriend a stuffed bear today, there is no guarantee it will transform into a best friend like me. It’s more likely that she will transform into your ex girlfriend.

Even the film snobs can’t resist me.

I have it on good authority that Mustache Ted is a great hang.

Going to therapy tonight to work on some of my issues 😇 (“Therapy” is what I call “having 13 beers and watching The Town on Blu-Ray”)

Call it whatever you want, just pass it over here.

When I say I got that bear in me, this is what I mean

Never fails to put a smile on my face.

Oh sure, when your movie is about a big bomb, you get an Oscar nomination. Your movie IS a big bomb, nothin’.

Congrats to Scorsese for releasing two movies this year. They’re called Killers of the Flower Moon. Not a short film.

Didn’t love the ending of Barbie. If you ask me, magical dolls without genitals are perfect the way they are.

Cillian Murphy? More like Killing It Murphy! You know, ‘cause he’s good in movies and television programs.

Releasing my voicemails? This is how top talent is treated? I don't see you doing this kind of thing to Natasha Lyonne.

Apparently Thunder Buddy Ted already ran out of beer money so he's making more episodes. Season 2 of #ted is coming to Peacock.

Does a TV series and 2 movies mean nothing to you?

New look, same Ted. #ted: the animated series is coming soon to Peacock.