Gary Barlow is in his local Wetherspoons this morning for breakfast with his son.

Please remember that we are a pub open to all and refrain from asking any of our staff why they are not wearing a Poppy today. Sanjeev ✊🏾

Well, we outlasted the Guardian on here at least. Twitter ordered to reveal user behind parody JD Wetherspoon account theguardian.com/technology/201…

I mean wow! 😂😩

Hi PGMO could you please let David Coote know that we are currently hiring cleaners when you are done with him. We’re pretty sure that his vast experience in polishing dust off cisterns will serve him well here.

Hi Philippe Clement we are hiring. 👍

Absolutely delighted to be starting my new job as a #SpoonsCustomerService advisor after loosing my previous job. So come along to your local spoons all you dirty old knickerless tarts, let me know your table number and I’ll cum over to sniff your stool afterwards. Greg (one g)

Right then, who’s coming to the Wetherspoons staff Christmas party for a kiss under the Cameltoe with Tom?

We are taking steps to move the toilets in all of our venues closer to the bar, however this work comes at a price and we are looking at ways of reclaiming these costs.

Anyone want to meet these two in cubicle number 3, they are giving out free shots apparently. Tom

All of our shutters have been fitted with the latest loo roll dispensing technology, the Leonardo DiCrapio

It is with a heavy heart that we announce that your picture has only been taken down to be pride of place in our first gender neutral toilet. Tom

The Peado Liar.

Balding middle aged racist who has never worked a day in his life enjoys afternoon pints in a Wetherspoons….. Is this really news worthy?

Dear customers, we now have our first Drive-Thru Wetherspoons pub.

Just a thought, learn how to spell, get a job and maybe that way you could start funding them yourself?! Tom #NoAinWetherspoon

Just flop a tit out love and at least one of our regulars will shout you a Hooch for topping up his wank bank?! Tom

Get up cousin fuckers it’s Friday and you know what that means, one last chance at day drinking before the weekend influx of part time drinkers with those job things take over the place with their matching shoes and paid for aromas. So brush your tooth and get in here.

Sitting opposite Lindsay and there’s a noise that reminds me of when you blow over the top of an empty Pringles tube. Tom

It wasn’t the dress, she was kicked out for extortion when she upped her toilet blowjobs to a fiver! Tom thesun.co.uk/news/36042297/…