Please, do not confuse DC with the best and the brightest y’all send to Washington.

One of my cats has fallen asleep on my legs. Normally this is amazing. However, tonight, he scratched my legs to high hell, knocked a buncha shit over, bit me, smacked his sister, then settled in. But, just kidding, he's PURRING against my leg and nothing he's ever done is wrong.

Me: I'm so tired, I'll probably be able to fall asleep. My brain: *singing the lyrics to Mr. Brightside to the tune of I Want It That Way*

Hey, DC bar Twitter. There's a great new bar called The Gold Clover and y'all should make it popular. Barred in DC

Anyone know what's going on in Bloomingdale? At least three ambulances and two firetrucks on 1st Street near W Street.

All right, all I have to say about the bear vs. man thing (at this point) is: When I solo camp, I put two pairs of shoes outside of my tent at night when I sleep. Know who doesn't give a fuck about that? 🐻

Listen, all I know is that when I'm solo camping, I leave two pairs of shoes outside my tent. That ain't to deter bears...

To be clear, when women choose bear, this is what we mean.

The zombie apocalypse is very different than we were promised.

Oh, DC is about to be DRUNK.

Semi-regular comes in – always a bit of a nuisance, bothers other guests, we cut him off pretty much every time he comes in. Bartender asks how he is and he goes, "I'm not fucking talking to you." So we refuse to serve him. HE CALLED THE COPS ON US, Y'ALL.

Attempting to put together a #Pride outfit and getting as far as white Docs but realizing I only own black shirts feels appropriate for a bisexual.

Ok here's a concept: Wife Swap but with municipal budgets. librarians get cop budgets for a year and we see what can be done

Substantively, what Trump is saying right now is insane. But it's completely overshadowed by Biden seeming...very, very old

I'm sorry, but Trump just claimed that Democrats allow "after birth" abortion and the moderators' only response was "thank you"???

They shoulda just done hot ones and whoever lived can have it

“How many billions of dollars do you owe in civil penalties? For molesting a woman in public, for having sex with a porn star while your wife was pregnant with your son? You have the morals of an alley cat” WHAM

Sincere question – why was I stopped behind THREE different groups of kids dancing in crosswalks (in front of traffic that could be moving) in NE today? Is it a TikTok thing? PoPville Washingtonian Problems

If you're a "conservative" or an "originalist" who likes the ruling on immunity, congratulations, you're a fucking hypocrite.