Just heared stand up and be counted on JDtv. I’m a great comic

<stand and stare at desk> "Riiight" <pat all pockets> "Riiight, well I shall see you all on Monday" <move mouse for no reason>

ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES 'Lovely jubbly' 'Rodney you plonker' 'Mange tout, Mange tout' 'Kushty' 'Shut up Grandad you cunt' #DavidJacobs

Just paid 1.50 for a Snickers bar. Amazing. Ibis Hotel

I love the advert about the pig.

@MarcforLincsPCC Tis! Listening to them will give me something to do while Im lazing about.

Fuck chips

Amazing to meet Jilly Cooper.

This photo of Phil Collins looks like its from a local paper, where he's complained to council about people leaving bin-bags in a stairwell

@iamrobhughes Why the seven were so secret?

@iamrobhughes Ha ha! My sleep patterns are dictated by test cricket on the telly. How are you getting on? Away for long?

@iamrobhughes Yep. Not great. 80 behind in first innings with 7 down. Have a safe trip back mate.

"Sack Sally Yates for being unloyal... disloyal."

Steve's mouse? Oh ho ang on...Well dine Steve.

If you are between 16-30 & healthy please contact #AnthonyNolanBoneMarrowTransplant for a spit test kit & save this young soldiers life 🇬🇧💂 x.com/LincolnshirePC…

And so it begins... @ruthatkins delivers some fine tunes before the authors take to the stage for Faber Social Debuts tonight

Vic and Bob + bottle of Baileys. Welcome to my teenage years.

Why doe the chase have thickos on it?