Lifting up my leg to use it as a diarrhea cannon like im Iron Man

im drinking motor oil and making car noises

DID YOU SEE IT? (pretty lights kicked in)

it’s like i’m the baby and i’m also the bathwater

It’s weird being generally bad at life but also having insane plot armor

texting everyone i’ve ever wronged to tell them i’ve been diagnosed with toxoplasmosis

🙌🏼

It was my first time meeting him in person. I had said something like “ah yeah i felt schizo” in conversation and tectone said “never say that. i actually have schizophrenia and that word is like a slur.” Then after 3 drinks he called my friend a f*ggot in Dave & Busters.

smoking that pertussis pack

i be smelling like backshot wind and oatmeal

they call me Pisshole Pete

caught a hat via discord

blasted a bloody mary and ended up talking to my dad about Kierkegaard at lunch the world is healing