Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary 3 years flew by faster than me in bed. Young mother bucker would be proud, but not satisfied. #fortheloveofthegame

In case u missed the tweet, it was me beating the shit out of ten 12 year olds (made fun of my zigtechs)

“Dons don’t wear shorts” “Who’s Don?” Yup, next.

Road dome is a myth.

Might’ve just shit myself at the gym. Guy next to me was mid set and had to rack em. Not a good scene. Quickly making its way through the weight room. A kid is now crying. I might get my membership revoked. Wow, the kid just fainted. Kids are now pointing right at me. Not good.

Keeper of the cup is a virgin

Ubering home solo after being the only friend not to score #ihaveagirlfriend

They would hate to see me pick up a box of capri suns and go play wiffle ball with the boys #friday

Petey Millar, backwards hat, flops, mixed patterns, and a bud light. Do I even have to comment on this? #whatsyoursnap

Put this shit in the hall of fame

Don’t ask questions.

Pornhub fell off.

Chris Martin got me hittin the Shedeur at Coldplay #Paradise

On the hunt for the Jord-ON Hudson. Will keep you updated.

Just so we’re clear, Sunday is still the weekend. And let me tell ya, I’m having myself a fucking Sunday

This was the chick I was playing eye tag with at planet fitness

Where do I apply? #smashville

My dad just asked me if I was watching porn in the living room

2 hours of background noise

You ever wonder how many bodies LeBron has?