I have a constant battle with keeping my kids from running off down our street when I try and get them in the car. The other day I was I was just done that so I screamed "Fine go be feral children, see if I care" Then I saw my neighbors staring at me and I had to go get them.

Yesterday I turned 31. It's really no different than 30 except the grey hairs that multiplied over night, debilitating joint pain and inability to stay awake past 10pm even while watching GoT. I feel like I've been lied to about age just being a # and I want to talk to a manager

The cords for my headphones are slowly getting wrapped around my neck at work today because 1. I can't be trusted with airpods--I'd lose them within an hr, and... 2. work is making me like... #30minleft #butthenIhavetodealwith3yrolds #halp

Only missing 3. If someone asked me how much weight I gained then they would no longer be living to ask such a stupid questions again. Twiniversity #momoftwins #MoM #twinbingo #aretheytwins #alldayeveryday #twinlife

Let's play a game of the strangest comments strangers/co-workers say about your kids when they see them (either IRL or a pic). I'll start: "Wow they have so many teeth." "Wow they really have a lot of hair" Yes Karen, they're 3, pretty sure they should have that much teeth &hair.

America is not the greatest country on earth. Stop saying that shit.

People who insist "all lives matter" seem pretty slow to accept "healthcare for everybody"

Hey Brett Kavanaugh - fuck you.

This looks like my fault. I didn't do it. -TwinA #twinlife #twinmom #momlife #twins #parenting

How is it that Breonna's Law was passed, but the cops who MURDERED Breonna Taylor are still FREE? Explain it to me like I'm a mother who lost her daughter for absolutely no reason at all.

This virus won’t just go away because you want it to, Mr. President. It’s time for you to step up and do your job.

Over 118,000 American souls have been lost to the coronavirus and that number is not slowing down. Instead of formulating an actual plan to save lives, the president is tweeting in all caps about the stock market. There’s only so much tequila I can drink so please VOTE.

Zoom physical therapy for a pre-schooler is as bad as it sounds.

You know you are living thru a global pandemic when you start researching how to put your child up for adoption after they dump a whole dispenser of hand soap down the drain.

Twin B came in my bed the other morning to snuggle before everyone got up. Then whispered sweetly into my ear: "Mommy you need to put on sweat pants. Your legs are spiky"

The other night Twin B came up behind me as I was trying to get him to bed and started blowing on my butt. Me: what are you doing?! Him: Mommy, your butt wiggles like jell-o!! #parenting #twins #twinlife #momlife

What I feel like screaming right now. Between work, kids, global pandemic and all the other normal shit I just need a break.