Heading to the after party but wish I was eating cheese and crackers

Why the gym doesn’t have coat check is beyond me

If I had a dollar for every panic attack I’ve had on the Hudson Yards escalator, I could probably buy HY. Scariest shit ever

Upgraded my seat only to have a baby screaming bloody murder in my ear and a minimum two hour delay. I’m disputing this charge United Airlines!

just watched the clock go from 1:59 to 3am….

This little doe needs this fit

Nothing hits harder than a three am slice

LMFAOOOO

Just sent off an email saying warmest “retards” instead of “regards”

KATSEYE FULL GAP AD CHOREO

You can always tell when a women's lameness actually transcends beyond intergalactic and celestial bounds bc the girl's bathroom happens to be the place where some of the most intimate and tender acts of unspoken solidarity amongst women takes place.

Did Harry and Sally split the bills before they got together?

Yes because the evil developer thinks about the possibility of you suing.