“I am not me I am everyone I know combined.”

“I accidentally just made a fucking new Twitter.”

“I’m just ripped and rockin”

*laughing* “I just snorted dude, what the fuck am I on?”

“I spent $30 at the gas station on cowboy hats last night at 2 am”

“Hey you wanna fly that drone right into my head?”

“You can get a lot done with a mean brow.”

“Dude the stock on chicken noodle is through the roof.”

“I’m getting a dui on a fucking lime scooter tonight”

“I taste stomach acid.”

“Im actually a big deal in the Wii sports wakeboarding world.”

*sitting in the back seat* “I wish I was in a car seat back here”

“I’m going to start telling everyone you’re a horse girl”

*@mandee_sue plays hotel room service by pitbull* “This song hits so hard when you’re chilling at the Holiday Inn”

“You know what I haven’t done in a really long time? Watch a movie on a laptop”

“Yeah I’ve been ordering way too much dominoes lately, I be getting a free pizza every two weeks”

“We’re just back here having a Baja blast.”

“3 drinks at once is the most feminine act a human can commit”

“I put a lidocaine patch on just to drink”

“I’ve got 8 different kids from 6 different baby mamas”