Absolutely SHOCKED with the real ages of all these shrivelled ball bags being jailed for the riots, so….. let’s play, ‘Play Your Cards Far Right’ ! 🧵

Told my mum to watch out for the Reverend Mother calling Maria a Cunt Face and she hasn’t stopped laughing since

Season 2 of my Netflix docuseries Ancient Apocalypse launches Wednesday 16th October. A month before viewing its six episodes, the same poison-pen archaeologists who tried to get Season 1 cancelled are already trying to smear Season 2. Short trailer here: youtube.com/watch?v=TRNvCy…

Did an interview with Sitar player Jasdeep Singh Degun last week at the Glasshouse in Gateshead. Fantastic gig and a lovely guy to chat to. youtu.be/v-Nh6UWP9SU?si…

A long way off yes, but this is going to be a great tour : pinkdot.seetickets.com/tour/theatre-o…

I am thinking of identifying as a west coast Mexican hiphop fellow. I have the checked shirt and the baggy trousers. I will apply a beany and update my audience with photos.

Having an argument with Mrs M tonight. I asked her for her too 3 Doctor Who actors. She couldn’t even give me her bottom 3. Disappointing.

Did a cheese tour in Wensleydale last year. The guy said, always by “Yorkshire”Wensleydale. I broke that and bought some from down south this week. It was like chalky feckin cardboard. He was absolutely right. #wensleydale

Just watching 70’s Batman. Can’t remember the Mad Hatter. Completely new to me. Love the cats eyes hypnotising popup hat. #batman #madhatter

Had a play with Grok and got Gary Numan to shake hands with David Bowie. Gary Numan

@TalkiPicsTV The look on Mary Hammond’s face when she thought she was getting two West Indian grandchildren.

My very own bairn and his team came first in the regional heats of the UKMT team maths challenge. It’s a huge win against tough competition and they are off to the finals in London in June. Can’t tell you how proud I am of him and the team.

Hanif kureishi When you get to seventy, it’s not that the party is going on in your absence but that it is emptying out. You may wander onto the dance floor and find no one you recognize—or no one at all.

Bloody Germans, coming over here, taking our cheese.

The Lidl Middle Aisle is Jepic New Ad is iconic instagram.com/reel/DLDTOHdpD…

Watched Gary Numan at Glastonbury on BBC tonight. Totally brilliant set. I was looking at the audience and they got it after a few songs and realised that this guy rocks! Great to see him on the telly. Roll on November in Newcastle. Gary Numan #Glastonbury #numan

Get this guy fired. chng.it/sqzQhpDG8V

Absolutely loved this show. Takes about 18 months to finish it but I enjoyed every single episode. Still worrying about the Middle East project.

The Angel in the snow. Love it up North.

Seems legit 🤔