Remember, if you answer a call from a strange number and hear a panting dog this is a SCAM. They are trying to get a recording of you saying "good boy" so they can play it for your banker when he requests confirmation of a large wire transfer.

I was told it was really easy to register a new christmas song but it turns out there's this whole other complicated form if it's a horny one. Even if you just lightly reference a "warm me up" scenario, be prepared to fill out 15 pages and go to two different offices.

I'm going to admit something that I know a lot of you already suspect... This last year, if you ever heard me say "I'm thinking of tanking my pharmacy chain," I was trying to get you to say a compliment about my pharmacy chain.

5’5”, 190, but I retain a lot of blood.

Worried my last thought on earth is going to be “I underestimated the gamers.” When I am dying of cancer in 2058 or whatever, manage my pain, by all means, but more importantly, please hook me up to a machine that prevents me from having the thought “I underestimated the gamers.”

The sound I make when I know I am right is awful - but the sound I make when I am corrected is even worse. So you see the impossible position my enemies find themselves in….

Humans of San Francisco! (and anyone else who likes to travel): the original lineup of Bryan Scary & The Shredding Tears is playing our first show in 15 years next week! COMEEEEEEEEE.

Huh. I was not expecting this to be the angle of the Springsteen biopic:

THE TRUTH IS BACK! Hear OPERATION SKILL SHOT, the new episode written by me, wherever you get podcasts (or just here: thetruthpodcast.com/story/2025/10/…) A street-level pinball epic set in NYC 1978.

Not loving all the thumb drives in my kid’s Halloween candy this year. And what is this file format???

I know the guy who came up with “don’t yuck my yum” and he says if he ever hears it incorporated into wedding vows he’s going to kill himself. I’m not defending him, it should just be known that he has complicated feelings about the situation, and something like principles.

(God’s girlfriend walks in. God is packing a bag.) GOD’S GIRLFRIEND: Tell me it isn’t true God. Tell me the love of my life isn’t about to turn himself into a baby on some backwater planet. GOD: Just what did you think “whatever it takes” meant, Kristen?

Just our luck the bishop happened to drop by yesterday for the 11 AM service when Pastor Ken did his annual Sarcastic Sermon. In context it’s just a little pious fun, we all love it. The ‘speed the cloven hoof’ stuff is a gag. Now they’re busting up the whole diocese, great.

Now that I am out of the professional poker playing world, I can reveal that my main move for keeping my opponents on their heels was implying that the way they were betting was porn brained.

Sheesh Just lost another patient to, you guessed it, surgery I just want my life to go to normal - I want it to stop being doctor and go back to normal. At this point I can honestly count on one hand how much I like being a doctor. Alright back to it I guess….

making our struggle public - For years now, we here at baskin & robbins have been BEGGING to have JUST ONE baskin & robbins/dunkin donuts that is more baskin than dunkin. It ALWAYS skews dunkin - LARGE dunkin SMALL baskin. give us ONE mostly baskin baskin dunkin. -BR ldrshp grp

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, over the last few days, I’ve tried to prove to you that that man over there is a cold hearted criminal. And I have consistently referred to those crimes as “antics,” which I regret. They were not antics at all, they were murders. Grizzly murders.