"You couldn't make it today" he says, making it today.

Anyone near @VAULTFestival this week could do worse than check out Cracked which is about Tiles and Nothing Else.

Food banks shouldn't exist, but since they do: thank you to SQLBits for this.

Are Italy sponsored by Trains? #ENGvITA

Unequivocal support.

Something I never anticipated saying to a cat: "You don't like metalcore, do you?"

We Data Wizards have been talking, and we feel that final would have extracted literal tears from us. So many congrats to the Strigiforms, and deepest condolences to the Crustaceans. Amazing quizzing across the board #onlyconnect

To those celebrating the loss rather than the win - get a hobby #onlyconnect

Every time

I posted a tweet yesterday that I shouldn’t have, which to prevent upsetting anyone else I have now deleted. A fuller apology and explanation of the point I was raising is attached xx Guy

Called it (every year since 2014 and am finally correct)

It's never a bad night when Jo Quail pops up

Now do prison.

Around and about at #guildfordfringe June 30 - July 1? Come over to The Star for 3 punchy little plays starring 4 talented actors plus me.

We just don't know.

Plastic dinosaur fights in a sandpit, a tricky decision in a wine merchants and what does a late night visitor to a surburban bedroom really want? Three plays in just 30 mins on 30 June & 1 July at 10.30pm Star Inn Guildford in 'Late Night Shorts' Guildburys Theatre buff.ly/3qPgtgA

Hey Surrey lot, if you're free, come and see me and my genius castmates in some snappy fringe theatre tonight. They're very good.

Hi SQLBits love you, but why are all the pilot costumes male and the flight attendant costumes female?