A live action Bob’s Burgers

“Work through the weekend so you can work everywhere every day”

The thing that makes the most sense about the doctors office is when they give you little riddles and tasks to perform during check in like yes my mental state in this moment is perfectly suited for this activity

To whoever invented soup thank you so much can I hug you?

Things my almost 4 year old said this morning: “It’s SO morning!” “We’re going to the haircut store” “Going to get ALL the cupcakes. 10 of em! 5, too!” “My butt is so stinky”

Well well well if it isn’t the salad I procured for lunch that I’d rather die than take a singular bite of

“Imagine looking this polished every day” and it’s just a skinny woman in a sloppy sweat set

Yellow is the green of the warm colors

My kid has the gene where soap tastes like cilantro

Tootsie rolls are so weird wth was that yeah I’ll have another

Sorry but my fico score is none of my business

Mentally I’m here

Found this review of McDs years ago on g**gle maps and thought it was both funny and beautiful

My 4 yo has been telling me stories and saying “my old age” and I didn’t know what he was talking about until he finally pointed at an old photo of himself… “my old age” means the age he used to be 😆

My favorite genre of Spotify wrapped posts are parents whose children absolutely dominate the top songs

For months I’ve been tempted by the Devil’s mistress (little Debbie Christmas trees) at every turn in every grocery store. Today, after a sinful night of debauchery, I decide to give in to temptation. But lo and behold I can’t find a single box. This is how I know there is no god

Having a kid is cool bc sometimes they are like “wait mommy I want to know what color your eyes are. Oh! They are brown and green. Like me!”

Yes but only bc the doctor didn’t believe her!

Help. My 4 yo son is too woke. He thinks everyone at this wedding is getting married to each other.

Question for the republicans: Do you have different eyes than the rest of us or is it your morals that are failing you?