Some times this game is silly

Remember when Bluetooth headsets were things only nerds wore until Apple said they were cool and now everyone wears two at the same time every day?

I wonder why my phone gives me several warnings when there's fog outside but not when I think about checking out an ex's Facebook page

I just went to the Oreo website and I swear to God the first thing that popped up was a warning that the site uses cookies to enhance my experience

Currently looking for a card that says "You're amazing; you're the love of my life; also I'll have my half of the rent Wednesday and also we need to get more cat food and also is the chili in the fridge still good?" at Wal-Green's.

chucks got a lot of transphobes riled up today so i should probably add: there are infinite genders including no gender at all and no matter how much devils seethe and cry and gnash their teeth this will not change. thats just scientific fact SORRY DEVILS im a doctor

It's a Mardi Gras weekend in New Orleans but the most excitement I'm gonna have is getting my bin out to the street five minutes before the garbage truck came

I was taking a nap when I heard voices coming from the living room. I ignored it and went back to sleep but kept waking up hearing something. Finally I got up and went down the hall... Catalie Portman had somehow started playing The Lorax on our kitchen Alexa.The future is weird.

Tonight I met a lady at a Mardi Gras ball. I didn't get her name but she dropped an Airpod on the steps as she left. Now I have to go door to door across New Orleans until I find a phone that pairs with it so I'll know I found the right girl.

So my doctor's office sends me a text message. Then calls me so a robot voice can read the text. I don't answer so the robot voice reads the text into my voicemail. My voicemail uses another robot to convert the voice back into a text message. But I still don't have a hoverboard.

DJ's out of town for the weekend so I was thinking about having some people over. Just a few. No party. But a few friends coming over. No drugs or alcohol or loud music. You can invite someone but not too many people. I don't want it to become a farce. I can't hardly wait.

Current mood

It's here...

I don't care if they spend time every day speaking to a god I don't believe in so I don't get why they care about my pronouns or sexual orientation

We're going to need a bigger boat

A weird thing about being me is that every once in a while I say "My name is Dustin" then I pause because I'm not sure if that's really something my parents would have named me

Guess it's time for Tucker Carlson to get a podcast

TWO HOURS UNTIL JEDI SURVIVOR

I am a Jedi!

I'd bet the most annoying thing about being a police captain is that you can't use the top drawer of your desk for anything except the badges and guns of cops who've gone rogue.