I hate the whole “you’re not a real man if you use Ac!” Bitch, it’s fucking hot outside...

Been thinking about tattoos lately. I might just design some stuff and get it randomly.

A wise man once said “never play leapfrog with a unicorn.”

Twitter dm: more second dates than match.com

Did Taco Bell for real get rid of the caramel apple empanadas?

My buddy bought a 3d printer. And he sends me this. The charmander is mine. 😍

Not my chair, not my problem. That’s what I say.

Whale, she ain’t wrong.

I’m a slut for chugging a whole bottle of water after waking up in the middle of the night.

My only regret in life is expecting the same energy back from the people I gave so much too.

This is probably my worst trait.

Since when did Burger King sell tacos? 🤔🤔

Cheese is just a loaf of milk 🤔🤔

The average child cost $250k, but a taco usually only costs $1. Take your pick.

I’m starting to feel like memes are meant to hurt my feelings.

Day shift is kicking my ass. Got me sleeping at 4pm. Then my dumb self can’t get to sleep at a decent time.

I listen to gangster rap, but I also take pepto bismol because my tummy hurts.