Me on the jury

Ted Talks now be like y'know what really sucks about pre-ground weed? You can't find any tiny nugs in the carpet.

Really pretty lady in my neighborhood. Cute dog. Said hi. The most midwestern, Minnesotan, weird ass accent came out of her mouth and I noped the fuck out. Stephen King write a story about accents. Dance monkey!

Seriously bomb them. I mean just look at their eyes. Totally asking for it.

I've been in many cabs. Many Armenian. Always results in fucking SOAD.

Well they Caught a dude jackin it at work yesterday And he's back at work today

You forgot something, man 💨

The executions of 24 people in 2023 illustrated the full range of systemic flaws in the system of capital punishment — a system that is barbaric, inequitable, and out of step with the fundamental values of our democracy. bit.ly/47vJVbh

Just found out we can’t get the couches we wanted for our Hamptons house because they are made in India. I’ll spare you the details but we have to bomb Yemen now.

Yo this weed should be called cash cab

Satanists are the funniest, weirdest, self effacing people. God bless y'all \m/

The hungry hungry hippos at Hippo Cove will eat anything… except tomatoes 😹

Tucker & Fiona bellowing! Some hippo vocalizations have been measured at 115 decibels, that’s like being next to the speakers at a rock concert! 🎶

Bibi celebrated her 25th birthday with lots of treats, face rubs and her bloat!

Holy fuck pffffffttttt

Great camera work. Knuckleheads.

Biden so rattled by his debate performance that aides had to show him fresh footage of destroyed Gaza schools to help him get to sleep afterwards.

Unc lost all his oxygen hitting that high note 😭