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You think in 10 years, when Donald Trump has been in prison for several years, there will still be crazies saying "you'll see! This is all part of his plan!" Because I'm really hoping they move onto something else.

Today is the 35th anniversary of Legend of Zelda. Last year, for Mario's 35th, they released the 3D All Stars game pack. Come on, Nintendo. Do something cool. Nintendo of America #LegendOfZelda

I want to make it clear I'm not a financial adviser, but send me your feet

Goofy is the only character on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse to get laid. He has a son. At some point, someone let Goofy cum inside them.

What’s a king to a god? What’s a kong to a non-believer?

So there's this thing called #Dogecoinarmy and I heard if you use it, you get 3 wishes from a genie. #DOGE

How do they know an animal is extinct like??? U looked everywhere????

Sex is cool, but have you ever terminated a banana plug? #AV

Here I go listening to the #Tron soundtrack on repeat again

I swear dude, 95% of toddler meltdowns can be solved with a snack.

Books are hallucinogenics. Staring at a dead tree and imaging a whole world in your mind? Who needs drugs?

New Jersey Imagine thinking this is pizza

I just hope this impeachment trial gets to the bottom of who riled up that violent mob waving all those Trump flags. What a mystery!

One of the things about being POTUS, is after you've served your term, you're still called "President." If Donald Trump gets put in jail, will he still be allowed that title? Serious question. #TrumpIsGuilty #TrumpImpeachmentTrial

I may have shouted fire in a crowded theater, but the people trampling each other were acting on their own!

Hey, Dave Ramsey and Gina Carano 🕯 , you two should get in touch with reality. Also fuck you both.

I just heard someone say that Donald Trump's son looks like Slenderman omg what a stellar roast